This pain

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Posted by Erin Filson : Jan 14, 2011

my name is erin... i have been depressed for 3 years now. it started at age 2, my parents were divorced and my sister was take because my dad was blamed for molesting her, but he didn't. my mom was a big drug addict she did coke, weed, and heroine. at the ages 9 to 12 i was molested by my female cousin. during that time i was abused by my brother and father. soon i was 14 and old enough to have my first boyfriend alex a long time friend we dated 8 months all summer he raped me one night because he was drug and got me pregnant i miscarried a few months later a beautiful baby boy his name was Kashmire. the pain was unbareable. i cut myself over 200 times all over my body, and did drugs and drinking to numb the pain, till one day i realized nothings ever going to change, there is no heaven there is no hell. just a hole that keeps going never ending like purgatory; between haven and hell. i soon became who i really was, a lesbian. and i lost many friends who thought i liked them when i didn't. then i was called emo lesbian dyke and faggot under the students breath something so quietly said sounds louder than anything. looking now i still cut myself and bruise and burn. i do drugs still and drinking. i have let relationships, bad relationships hurt me the most. here now typeing away at the key board not even lookin at the screen because i have replayed the memories so much its first to mind and easiest to remember.i actually cut my wrist a few minutes ago. im in a partial hospital i went inpatient once. but i love my partial. but im still here through this all. i think thats the most impactive thing, people who have been through worse but are still here today; beacause they didn't commit suicide.

Posted by Erin Filson : Jan 14, 2011

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