To Finally Drop My Fake Smile

Posted by Tianaa : Jan 4, 2012

Each sand every single day throughout high school i cried on the inside .. My parents had just split up right before my freshman year so there was no way i was looking forward to school at all . I walked around smiling at everyone , making new friends every single day. One of the star basketball players , in the chorus group and in jazz choir as well ... You would've thought i was the happiest person alive .. i had everything i wanted.. The one thing i didn't have was support, love and a REAL friend ..

Freshman year wasn't as bad as my sophomore year and NOTHING was as bad as my junior year ... I had my first real relationship ... but soon after we started dating he had forced me into losing my virginity to him... i cried WHILE it was happening and he just continued ... after he had finished , he left the room and and ran quickly into my backyard , it must have been like 10 degrees out but my body was on fire i was in soo much pain .

i called my best friend and completely POURED my heart out to her , i was so scared and sad , i had never felt anything as horrible as having sex with someone i didn't love . it hurt physically, and emotionally and it effected me mentally ... i hung up the phone and turned to see him standing in the doorway with his head down .. i walked past him and looked for anything and everything i could hurt myself with .. i grabbed pills and he took them from me , i grabbed a knife and started cutting myself to relieve the pain ... i made him leave my house and i went to the bathroom and my body hurt my private burned and i was continuously bleeding . i didn't know wtf was going on ... called my bestttt friend and cried in her arms when she got to me i was sooooo ... in the head at that point ... a few days later he broke up with me and right at that moment i realized what it was like to be used ..

i grabbed a bottle of naprasin and swallowed about 27 of them and i went to bed ... i woke up a few hours later , dizzy and freaking out .. i paced the floor for about a minute before i went to tell my mother what i had done .. i was throwing up all over the place and i just didn't feel like myself anymore .. that night my father came to the hospital .. HURT by what i had done and even more hurt when they told my family i was going to be placed in a mental facility ... to my surprise the mental facility wasn't sooo badd . . . i met some people that will always be in my life , i met some people that made a difference and made a change .. now i live a happy drama free life and i feel like i can do anything i want and what other people think or do to me doesn't and will never matter ...

Posted by Tianaa : Jan 4, 2012

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