I know How you Feel

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Posted by Jane : Apr 17, 2011

I know exactly how you feel. Wake up and think about the hours you have until it becomes acceptable to get back in the bed. Wake up and think about the closest way to distracting yourself. If I do this I will be tired, I can nap. I want to stay out of public, I want to blend in, I want to disappear and be invisible. Be able to walk through the streets without anyone seeing a thing.

I want to hide from the sun and not let today happen. Every day thinking getting out of bed was a bad idea, wishing you never let today roll through. “The best part of waking up, is knowing you can go back to sleep in 12 hours”.

I know how it feels to be empty and hollow like a walking void staring into a white background. I know what you mean when you’re begging, why does everyone else do it all. I don’t want to go to school, or work, because once I have the house or car I will just sit in it and see the same white background, its all a distraction.

I know how it feels to be tired all of the time, and to be alone throughout 80 sometimes 100% of your day, then weeks, then months.

I know how it feels to make sarcastic jokes so people think you’re always the happy, okay one. To smile and be so lost in playing the pleasing role, it isn’t until you’re back alone you realize how drained and fake you were really being.

I also know how it feels to emerge from it, you never really forget, but you block some of it out, and you learn to cope. Re-learn how to see, feel and operate. When the bed stops being the numbing agent to life, and becomes the designated place of rest instead.

Yes I know it hurts, yes I know it’s different for you, and yes I understand there is nothing left, but I know that the white background finds color and the distraction takes on a life of its own. For the greatest joys of living, which is you, are within living itself.

Posted Jane : Apr 17, 2011

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