How to Get Rid of Severe Depression

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Severe Depression
By Nick
23 Years Old

Hi. I was diagnosed with severe depresion when I was 20 but I believe I have been depressed my whole life. I am also addicted to heroin on and of now for about six years now which dosent make life much easier. Im taking prothiaden for my deppresion and I believe it works in some ways and not in others and Im pretty sure my habit makes a significant impact on its effect. Im 23 now but mentaly I feel like Im 50 because of the experiences I have had with drugs, alchohol, bad relationships and with the law. Ive become a master of hidding my addiction from others so I naturaly have also become a master of hidding my deppresion. Ive always felt like I was less important than everybody else, I think this stems from having an abusive older brother and a father who seems disgusted by the sight of me most of the time. Also I have been moving around the world my whole life for a number of reasons so I never really managed to develope any close friendships and relationships.Im not going to go into detail about my experiences because I would be hee all night. Lets just say Ive litteraly been to hell and back several times. When Im around people I seem to get nervouse and paranoid because I feel like they are going to suddenly say something or do something that will put me down infront of others because this has happened to me so many times. Normaly I cant even comunicate with others unless im on something. When Im alone I have to have the tv on all the time because Ive actualy become scared of being alone with my own mind. I just seemm to be stuck in this negative thought pattern constantly which has intensified over the last few years because of drug use and the fact that I have been spending an ever increasing amount of time on my own. I would say Ive become quite use to this lifestyle as impposible as that might sound by going completely numb inside and trying not to feel anything at all. This has worked in the past but I can feel myself starting to snap as I have done so on several occasions. Constant thoughts of suicide go through my mind not out of deppresion but because sometimes it seem like the only option to this weary life. If there is anyone out there who has had a simmilar life or could offer any sound advice I would love to hear from you.

Posted by nick : April 18, 2005

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