My Hidden Secrets

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Posted by Morgan Myles : Jan 19, 2011

well I seem to go through this cycle:1. happy,2. in love,3.sexual,4.dirty,5.ugly,6.depressed
I don't know what is wrong with me. I tried brushing it off but it always comes back and I know something is wrong. I always think back or brain storm to see what might have caused it and I have flashbacks of when I was little and there was an attempt of rape by these guys in my class and when I was about 3 someone did something sexual with me but it's a haze and since that day I've always been afraid to be in a room alone with a guy no matter who it is. I told my mother about it but I'm not sure if she believes me because I still have my hyamen.I feel alone and I go through depression a lot. Only my mother knows and no one else.I have read that children who are sexually abused tend to get "the urge" and play with themselves at a very early age and I was doing that in pre school because I remember my teacher told me to not do that during nap time, but I didn't know any better. Now I am addicted to sex but I haven't actually done it all the way because I have a medical issue and it holds me back even though guys have offered to have sex with me because I'm not an ugly person but I have a muscle weakness and some type of limp and that makes me feel ugly plus it takes a long time for me to tone up because of my weakness and so I feel like I'm fat even though my body isn't that bad, and ugly because even though im ok looking, guys feel repelled just bcause I walk with a small limp. Only some guys will actually show they like me but act too shy to say something so that is another cause of my cycle.I feel like I just want to give up on life because no one knows my secrets and don't know how I feel, I also cry a lot but mostly at night. I have obsessive sexual desires and low self esteem, it feels good to let it out but I need someone to talk to.

Posted by Morgan Myles : Jan 19, 2011

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